Are you keeping your virginity ‘for your husband?’
Do you know anyone who says she is keeping her virginity for her husband?
I know many.
Honestly, I’ve heard that line so many times.
It comes in different forms:
‘I’m keeping myself till marriage. I know my husband will be very proud of me.’
‘I will keep my virginity for my husband.’
‘I will not lose my virginity till I get married. That’s the best gift I can give my husband.’
Are such statements wrong? Of course not.
Sexual purity is in obedience to God’s laws. ‘Virginity till marriage’ is His instruction.
However, while I do not have issues with the above statements, I worry that the ladies concerned may get more than they bargain for.
Let me explain.
It’s all good if you decide to be sexually pure. It’s all good if you do not plan to hit the sheets till those vows are exchanged.
All well and good.
But to expect your husband to be proud and show you off as his most prized possession? Naaaaa. Don’t do that to yourself because you just might be disappointed. Terribly disappointed.
Here are 2 reasons why he may not be proud.
Virginity isn’t a big deal to him.
This happens when he isn’t on the same wavelength with you. The Bible instructs Christians not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6 : 14.
That instruction wasn’t a joke nor was it written because St Paul had nothing else to write.
It’s there for our benefit. Bonding with someone who doesn’t share the same values with you most often results in a lot of conflict.
Honesty, Integrity, Faithfulness, and the likes may be alien to him.
This man may have hit the sheets so many times with different women and for the life of him, doesn’t understand what the ‘noise’ is about. Like, ‘what’s the big deal?’
Expecting him to be proud that he got to be your first and only may be too much.
I’m not ruling it off completely but it will help if you have an open mind.
He may be proud.
He may not be proud.
Having this mindset will ensure you don’t hurt too bad if truly he treats ‘your gift’ as ‘nothing.’
He doesn’t know better.
Ignorance isn’t always bliss.
Unlike the man in number 1, this one right here may not regard your virginity highly, not because he doesn’t know God and His laws, but because his knowledge is limited.
There are men who still view sex as a ‘release avenue.’ This is sad. Despite all the teachings and available resources designed to make the bedroom experience both fun and Godly, there are men who are yet to realise that lovemaking is more than ‘go in, release, come out.’
Such men often do not see the need for foreplay.
They do not know the meaning of foreplay.
They do not know that for the woman, emotional connection plays a huge part and affects her response in bed.
They do not know that there mustn’t always be ‘a release.’
They just do not know.
Such a man may therefore not be very patient with his virgin wife who may need a great dose of tender loving care before she can loosen up.
It becomes more difficult if the man isn’t a virgin and has in fact done quite a lot of ‘bedmatics’ in the past.
He may therefore be a ‘pro’ and may not appreciate the pains, uneasiness, shyness, and amateur acts of his wife.
Honestly, ignorance isn’t bliss. Whoever came up with that line?
What is the solution? You may ask.
There’s no way on earth I would end this without giving you some solutions. So, do you really want a man who will regard your ‘gift’ as precious and priceless?
If so, read the lines below.
Have the right reason?
Keeping your virginity for your husband is cool.
Keeping it as ‘a gift’ for him is cool.
Keeping it to make him proud is cool.
none of these is the right reason.
Keep your virginity till marriage because God says so. Be sexually pure in obedience to your heavenly father. This right here should be your reason.
With this mindset, trust me, it wouldn’t hurt if your husband doesn’t appreciate your ‘gift.’
After all, his appreciation was never your goal.
But hey! he will appreciate it if he is your kind. Right?
This brings me to the second solution.
Marry your kind.
This is so key that I’ll repeat it. Marry your kind.
If telling lies is a big deal for you, please do not hook up with one who lies as easily as leaves rustle in the wind.
If sexual purity before and within marriage is a yes for you, then please flee from any man who doesn’t believe in such.
It will end in tears especially if evangelism isn’t your strong point.
Marry your kind. I can never ‘say’ this enough.
This in no way means your partner must be a primary virgin. No. But…..he must be a secondary virgin. Regardless of his sexual escapades in the past, what matters is that he understands he was wrong, has asked for God’s forgiveness, and is determined never to stray again.
This is secondary virginity.
It is, therefore, okay for you as a primary virgin, to bond with such a man.
Really, it’s okay.
And……chances are he’ll be very proud of you for achieving that which he couldn’t.
For keeping yourself in a world where immorality thrives.
Yes, he will be proud.
Finally, marry your friend.
The friendship factor is very important in every marriage.
The success of your union depends highly on this.
God sure helps but you would make His work a lot easier if you marry your friend.
Someone with shared values,
Someone with same beliefs,
Someone you can joke with,
I repeat, marry your friend.
With him, your inadequacies in and outside the bedroom will be handled lovingly.
Your amateur sexual skills will be met with patience.
Your gift of virginity will be valued as the treasure it is.
As a wife, you should be more than a bedmate. You should be a life partner.
This was God’s plan. It remains His plan.
Have the right reason, marry your kind, marry your friend, and you’ll be just fine.
I pray you keep your virginity till you get married. If you’ve lost it, I pray you choose secondary virginity. Amen.