It was a Wednesday morning around 6.00am. There I was, in the bathroom getting my daughter ready for school. The following conversation took place;
Muna: Mummy, today is daddy’s birthday. Oh I am so excited.
Me: I just smiled. (I’ve learnt to limit my words when I can. This helps me conserve my strength for the many tasks ahead. No answer needed in this case. So…… I just smiled).
Muna: Mummy I was the second person to wish daddy a happy birthday. Mummy, what did you get for daddy? What are your plans? Oh I can’t wait for evening!
Me: I just smiled.
Muna: Mummy tell me now!!! What have you planned for today?
Me: Muna what if daddy does the planning? After all, it’s his birthday!!!
You should have seen my daughter’s face. She looked dazed. How could I have said such a thing? The onus is on us to organize a celebration!!!! She said…….
Muna: Mummy how can daddy give us a treat? It’s his birthday!!!! We should make him happy. He cannot make himself happy!!!
Me: With a mouth wide open and my right soapy hand frozen in mid air, I stared at my daughter. I did not smile. I stared, trying to decide if I heard correctly.
‘ Muna, what did you say? ‘
I didn’t wait for her response. I knew I heard correctly and I couldn’t bear to hear it again. That was how my first training for the day started with my daughter, Munachimso Daniella Uzoh as the trainee. I spoke. I explained. I taught. Did she get the message? Definitely.
So what was my message to her?
What is my message to you?
No one can make you happy. No one. Your happiness lies in your own hands. Chances are that your parents, spouse, partner, children, colleagues, ……… treat you with love and respect hence you are almost always happy when you are with them. If that’s the case, awesome. But that inner joy, happiness and fulfillment can only come from within. You have the key.
You have low self esteem? Because……………
You are not as tall as you would have loved to be? (who cares if your 4 year old has caught up with you!!! Whatever, rise above it)
You would have preferred to be fair in complexion? It seems to be the take with men nowadays. (who told you that? Where on earth did you get that? You don’t believe black is beautiful? That means you’ve never met me!!! Seriously? Love yourself).
You are yet to acquire a university degree? (it will be great to have one. So study for it, work for it, save up for it, whatever. But in the meantime be happy with that catering certificate. Be proud of that tailoring experience. Happiness is not reserved for degree holders only).
You were physically /sexually abused in the past? (It is painful no doubt. I can only imagine. It was in the past right? Awesome!!! This is the present and guess what? You are beautiful. Please rise above it)
Should I go on? Low esteem? No self love? Lack of self value? Low self confidence? Why?
You are the only spinster in the whole wide world? Even your youngest niece is married?
You are married but your spouse doesn’t just get it. He doesn’t understand that as a female you thrive on love, on affection, on communication?
You’ve been a job applicant for ages? Struggling to pay the bills?
Hey! Hey! Just stop it!!!! Stop it I say. No matter how dark the past has been or how bleak the future looks, as an individual, you are beautiful. Just beautiful. How do you expect the future to be better while you’re still grovelling on the ground. You were created to soar. So pick up that self value, pick up that self love wherever you dropped it and put it on.
You do not have to fit-in. You are custom made.
You are not a photocopy. You are original.